Diary of a Stranger

Jeudi 25 octobre 2012 à 23:48

I kinda oversleep on purpose yesterday, and miss my lunch with my manager. I oversleep so much that I got there 15 min late. Turning down a date and coming late, he's really gonna fire me. I guess I wanted him to. He was more mean and calling me out on everything that I wasn't doing correctly. I guess I should have gone to that lunch.

I am crossing my fingers and hoping I get the assistant designer job with that small firm two blocks away from my place.
There was 8 of us being interviewed last saturday 30min each back to back. One guy before me, one guy after me, all looking professional. I bet I was the youngest, fresh out of school. I need that job so badly, my roomate said she would be glad to be the first one to announce to my manager I am quitting if I get the job. I can't take it anymore. I mean that two hours meeting was so pointless, because they're multiple events all week all over again. And again, they are all about making money so they refused to close dining to customer. So tonight is gonna be a mess.

Last night I went out with my roomate. Got diner at the mexican restaurant nearby and split a pitcher of frozen margaritas.
I texted hope and she texted B and R. Well we all met them at Hyde eventually. First time I have trouble getting in a club, and it happens to be a cold windy night. I was so upset I forgot how it was like to be treated like shit by the bouncers and all the people working at the door. R told us Kent was in there, his friend who had a table last week, and he would take care of us.
Hope and his friends came by without Apl, of course as he is out of town.
What a shit night, we didn't even know who to talk to.
B eventually got the manager to get him in, and got us in as well. We left hope outside. Oh well, sorry but none of you are really my friends, and I'm cold.
So I went in. They ended up going to Supper Club instead.

Well, first of all, I hate this club, it's so small and it was completely packed. I couldn't believe I waited in line for that. I didn't even like the music.
.And we saw Kent he didn't even recognize us. I swear that guy is probably so drugged up/high/drunk and party every night that he can't recall anyone he meets. Got drinks ourselves, then B somehow got those guys from another table to get us more drinks. 
I don't even think I can drink anymore grey goose vodka it's starting to make me nauseous. But I was so bored, and it was already too late to go to another club so I kept drinking.
I was getting so bored, didn't see anyone I wanted to talk to, while my roomate was busy talking with B.
I swear I don't even care and don't take down anyone's number. She got lucky she' the only one who takes number worth calling.
What am i gonna do, text Apl? Nah
So who did I drunk text out of misery last night? A. Oh yes the first guy I met when I went out in Hollywood when I came to visit J. and met him in front of Supper club. Also the first guy I slept with in L.A.  I told him pretty much to fuck off two weeks ago because he kept saying we would see each other then blew me off or ignore my text. Well I guess I lose all dignity when I am not sober.

But I still think that frenchy is the most interesting guy I met so far no matter how much of a jerk he is. And he's attractive. I texted him asking him to set up a place and time and show up.And that he could come to my place if he doesn't ditch me. Well he answered my text in the morning. Said 9 tonight at my place. Except I am working all night for those events. So 11pm at my place...Hopefully i'll make it on time I feel like he's gonna get there before I do. Which suck I wish I had couple glass of wine before he shows up. And I havent't figure out how to handle this with my roomate being here.

Let's see what happens tonight...

Mercredi 24 octobre 2012 à 8:26

 Today, meeting at the restaurant at noon for our weekly staff meeting. We had to talk about all the things that went wrong last weekend and made us all want to quit. TWO HOURS long. What the... seriously, I wasn't even clocked in.

Honestly, beside the fact that the restaurant is so disorganize and drives me nuts on weekends, I have another reason to quit. 
My manager, who well offered me the job, and happen to also be my my roomate's ex roomate, is starting to make me uncomfortable. 
Yes I would be your girlfriend I would wanna choke you. No wonder she gave me those hate looks since the day we met. Then I hate that girls always hate me when I don't even flirt back with their boyfriends. He's getting more and more touchy with me. And invited me for lunch tomorrow since I declined diner and hanging out with him at night on false pretense to hang out with my girlfriends. 

As J put it "I don't even know what to tell matter how you act you're screwed"

Should I stay or should I go? 

I am so broke, I have to keep working, I got scheduled almost everyday this week. And I only got 3 days of pay, I am waiting in two weeks to get the big paycheck... 

I hate it I hate it so freaking much. Why does this always happen to me. I can't meet a teacher, can't meet a guy who wants to give me a job, can't network because they always end up making me uncomfortable not keeping it professional with me. 

Mardi 23 octobre 2012 à 12:48

Today I heard the Black Eyed Peas on the radio. I couldn't stop laughing and thinking about last Thursday.  I probably will see him again since Hope told me him and Apl goes to certain clubs on specific days.

I was trying to think about my unstable life and why I moved here. Truth is, I keep the party going because I can't admit to myself that I am still heartbroken and haven't recovered from all the things that happened last summer. I am unable to trust people or get attached. If I start spending too much time at home I get lonely and start thinking about Savannah and my ex. But I don't want to talk about it to any of my friends. I had to deal with it for two years and they have to bear with me during these times.

It kills me to see him happy with his fiancee. The worst is I took the blame and apologize to his girlfriend trying to make him look good. Because no matter how much I hated him, I also loved him enough that I wanted to see him happy. He cried in front of me the day after graduation, blaming for messing up his friendship with his best friend. Truth is, his best friend betrayed both of us and lied to us. But since our relationship was falling apart already I didn't want him to loose his best friend either. So I didn't say a word. Now both of them are really happy and found someone they love, and I am the one who got fucked over and got left alone. There is no such thing as Karma, just shit happens to everyone honestly no matter how good or bad your behavior is and has been in the past.

So yes, I will keep going out when I can... And I am starting to get so lonely that I think I am gonna bring someone home really soon. I don't care who it is, I just need some distraction to prevent my mind from reminiscing the past. Because being emotional hurts more than anything. So I am gonna do a better job at giving out my number next time instead of snobbing the Hollywood crowd.

Lundi 22 octobre 2012 à 13:41

 Gosh last night turned out to be crazy once again. It seems to get more out of control every time. 


I flirted and exchanged number with Apl from the Black Eye Peas...Then I ditch him. 


What the hell did I do that I don't even know. 


Me, my roomate and my best friend were all planning to go to Beacher's Madhouse to check out that crazy club with flying midgets and costumed freaks. Turned out that was a major fail, as we had no idea it was only open on Wednesdays and Saturdays. Then we stopped by Supper Club, to realize how awful it was inside (definitely not like the last time I went there). Jordan contacted this promoter we met last time we went out, and he had a table at The Lexington, telling us Apl was Djing that night. So we went in. Well, J. being drunk last time and didn't really remember what he looks like, just waved at the wrong guy at the wrong table. Well that promoter thought he knew us, telling her how good it was to see her again. I came to shake his hand to introduce myself but he hugged me too saying how good it was to see me again as well. Really? How much drug did you take? Because we never met. 


Anyways somehow me and my friends ended up being offered drinks at 5 tables out of the ten that were in the clubs. It ranged from champagne to Vodka. I already had two drinks in my hand the first ten minutes we walked in

Everytime we decide to behave on our drinking.... major fail 

This weird asian guy invited me to get a drink at his table. I took a drink then went back dancing. Later on he offered me a drink again so I went back and Apl was seating on top of the booth seat. I don't remember what I said to the Asian guy but I think he encouraged me to go talk to Apl. Of course when when I have more alcohol than blood in my system, I get really comfortable and not shy. I just sat next to him and introduced myself. God he looks like he was completely on drugs. We start talking, I played with his glasses, laughed at him (can't help my sarcasm), played with his phone, exchanged number just as if he was any guy. But then just like any guys in Hollywood, he start rubbing his hands on my legs and I got annoyed. So I told him I was leaving to meet with my friends. And that awkward moment when I gave him a hug when he wanted more... I bet I pissed him off. Celebrity usually don't get turned down. But in my mind, I was thinking, would I even wanna talk to him if he wasn't internationally famous? Probably not. That's why I decided to leave. Hope invited me to their after party, but me and my friends weren't comfortable going there. I bet they would probably just be taking coke and all sort of drugs. 

We decided to meet up with those guys from New Zealand, some in a band, and Cam, solo singer, and Mike T, whom the New Zealand boys were producing songs for.  And Adam, and that weirdo who followed us there, and only realized nobody knew him once he left. We hung out in the management studio office. We had so much fun. They were playing guitar and singing the entire time. It was fun except one of the guy from the band was getting too touchy and hitting on me so much I start getting really uncomfortable. Truth is I was more attracted to Cam, I wish we could have had more time to talk because I find him interesting, but J was already flirting with him. Mike T is so funny as well, he reminds me a bit of one of those actor in Lost.  It all start going bad because Jordan got blacked out drunk, and start knocking things over. And Cam start getting annoyed with her. I was cleaning all the dirt that fell from the pot with him while she just seat staring at us. Me and S decided to leave as it was already 5 am but J wouldn't leave, she insisted to stay on the couch. 
Well I called her the next day wondering how she was doing, she said she woke up in her apartment but didn't remember how she got there. Cam later told me that they put her in a taxi 15 min after we left... How embarassing. J is so embarassed that she doesn't want to see them again.... 

So that was our night.... giving us a little performance of his songs in the management office.....And crazy Mike T holding Cam's portrait haha

Lundi 22 octobre 2012 à 13:40

Dn just texted me back. I really tried to be nice and give him a chance. But damn, him adding me on facebook just turned me off even more. There is a fine line between taking care of your body and being obsess with it. I'll say half of his picture is him shirtless and his modeling (also shirtless) picture. I also remembered what just made me look the other way. He is so obsess with his look he has to take testosterone or whatever other of those things to make his muscle bigger. Dude, I don't swallow a bunch of pills to make myself skinnier, or my boobs or lips bigger. Then going all over my photos and liking them, and texting me about my smile. OMG please just stop. I couldn't care less about the sweet talk and your body, I just want someone I can talk to. 


I miss J. Since ever Harvard started he doesn't talk to me and I miss those random texts. Now I kinda wish I stayed on the east coast, I would have more people to talk to.

If only they knew I care more about intelligence and personality than look and stature. 

So sick of LA and its superficiality. 

Maybe I should move up north to San Francisco or something... 

It's lonely out here. 


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