Diary of a Stranger

Lundi 22 octobre 2012 à 13:35

 I always wonder why is it that I am always surrounded by amazing and talented friends. Why do they hang out with me, when I have been the almost straight B student while they were straight A's winning awards and recognition here and there. 

CC, whose parents are already famous in France for their amazing documentary, is following their steps. She just submitted her bumper for the upcoming film festival, amazing work as always and already had some of her work aired on Discovery Channel.

One of my best guy friends, K, won the architecture awards in my school, along with his best friend then he went on to Harvard for summer. I miss his best friend. We always liked each other, but he had history with one of my friend and I could never do that to her. It was like that story that could never be. He went to Harvard for his master, tried to convince me to move to Boston this summer, but I moved to the west coast and he slowly stopped talking to me, which I expected to happen. 

My ex best guy friend was also the most talented furniture designer I have ever seen. 

JH, already had his work on our school book, and work freelance with many people, is also going to become a promising illustrator along with M.B. E is also an amazing photographer, already noticed by some really renowned photographers when she had her portfolio reviewed, and now has her own studio in Paris. 

DH is doing his master in Architecture while already having his own firm.... 

And my group of industrial design friends all happened to be the best of their class too... 

I also got along with my architectural history professor, ended up having a one hour long conversation about everything, from the economy, finance, to architecture one day. He is one of the smartest and knowledgeable individual I ever met, earning his Phd at M.I.T, teaching one of my favorite class. 

I also knew this other talented teacher. He was the closest friend I had last summer when I was abroad. We liked each other but nothing never happened. Not that I wanted anything, he had a girlfriend. 

Then as previously mentioned there was DD. and then that professor from one of the most prestigious architecture school who i met in HK. 

And my two closest friend from my first school in Paris. M, whom I shared my politic class with, was a straight A student, who didn't even have to put that much effort, and was offered a full scholarship to our school. She turned it down and went back to Sweden, and double majored statistics and politics. And M, who was one of the first people I met at that school, now 22 and in NYU, at her second and last year of master, already working for the US Court and getting all those internships in the government....While all I earned was a B.F.A in interior design....


My point being.... What is it that I am always around people like them? 


I thought it was always the pressure of the family that made my self esteem so bad. 

With a grandfather general of the South Vietnamese Army, a grandmother who educated herself, became a famous lawyer and sign the Vietnamese Peace Treaty, and the rest of the family going from refugee camps to becoming successful individuals, all of them becoming successful, one even millionaire. And a brother whom at my age went to Vietnam to work in a hospital, and formed his own association, finding lawyer, teachers, and partners to get this thing going,  which is now going to be reviewed by the World's organization. On top of that he is attending medical school. 

But it's also my friends. I feel so stupid next to them. I have disappointed half of my teachers, going from straight As up until midterm, and always sinking when finals hit and ending up with a B. It hurts my eyes to look at my own projects when I work on my portfolio. 

They are all doing so well, while I still have no clue what I am really doing with my life. 

What is it that makes them confide in me and become my friends. I don't know what is it that makes those successful men care about me either. I feel like 5 years from now, they will all become renowned and successful people, and I will probably be lagging behind. 

Then maybe they will realize that they shouldn't have anything to do with me.. 

Why is it that every time one of my friends get recognition, I feel happy for them but but feel worst about myself? 


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