Diary of a Stranger

Dimanche 16 décembre 2012 à 13:37

 I missed to mention what happened in my professional life. Two weeks ago I asked Ryan about my situation, since I was suppose to be on a week trial before him telling me whether I was hired or not. But I was already at my fourth week and had no answer.  When I confronted him, he told me we were wrapping two big projects but after that it would be slow and he wouldn't know if he could hire anyone until the beginning of next year.... So much for using me. I was furious but kept a smile. Why have a job posted if you never intended to hire? I was originally suppose to work part time as an intern for a month, and worked full time after he told me I was on a week trial. I needed another job to make money on the side and he used me full time from 9-7 sometimes from 9am-9pm. And insinuating in many ways that I was guaranteed to be hired. I was furious and upset. What really hurt me was that I had to ask my parents for money hoping this would turned into a job. And making my parents believed I would get it. I was so scared to tell them. Not so much scared because I know my parents would always be there to support me when in need but scared to disappoint them. I wanted to make them proud, and I did, and totally mislead them. I wanted to prove I was different from my stepsister, that I could get a job within three month, that I could support myself without their help. That I could succeed as much as my big brother. That day I called both my parents and broke down in tears. My loans had come a few days earlier and I found out I had to sent a check to the government around $300 a month to pay off my debts. And my car insurance came up as well I owed $2000 by the end of the year. Now what? I had no money no job. I couldn't pay my own rent, my bills, my groceries, my other expenses by myself. How could I pay off my loans too?  I was so ashamed could not stop crying. I sent an apology email the next day writing a long apology to my parents for being a financial burden. I said I would get two jobs and work 7 days a week to make up for it. But my mum insisted that I don't because I would be more exhausted and would end up being more sick. Telling me I wouldn't end up making more money because my medical bills would get expensive. 
Great, I have the worst immune system on top of that especially because of my time in college where I had to pull so many all nighters. I went to the top program in the country, ruined myself and my parents, and got sick because of all the pressure and the sleep deprivation and it didn't lead me anywhere beside working a lousy restaurant and being used as an intern to the profit of my wealthy boss. I kept crying on an off for the days after, but my parents comforted me and told me it would be hard to find a job after school and that I didn't have to worry about anything they would still support me. 

That's when I decided to go back to Paris. I needed a break for a while. I took that miserable event as an opportunity. I could go home and see my dad, and finally meet his new girlfriend and her children. I could go see my sick grandmother and see my friends. I knew that once I would have a job it would be improbable that I get enough vacation days to go to Europe so we agreed I should go as soon as possible. My last time to go home and come back fresh to LA and start the job search again. As much as I love LA I also was getting sick from the superficiality and loneliness of my new lifestyle. I wanted to take a breather and have a taste back of reality and normal life just to make sure I wouldn't lose myself. 

So I booked a ticket to Paris right on New Year's day. For three weeks. Since then I have been feeling much better and forgot about the incident. Now I was more excited about the trip. I also found a ticket for less than $100 to go see RH in Madrid. I contacted Mikaela to see if I could either go to Sweden to see her, or make her come to Paris or meet somewhere else. And my father has been wanting to travel somewhere for two days with me, and I expressed my interest in Amsterdam or Berlin, we're still debating.

My attitude towards that event has turned positive. After all, everything happens for a reason, and it wasn't really what I wanted to do. Maybe a better opportunity will present itself soon that I would otherwise miss it if I had stayed with them. And even if they contact me when I come back, I don't think I would want to work for them anyways, knowing they could fire me anytime they would be going into downtime. I decided to work part time since last week, and plan to have my last day next Monday. My brother comes from Virginia on Tuesday, and now my hands are untied and I get to spend time with him. 

So here it goes, I get to spend more time with my family that I dearly miss, travel to Europe, and see RH. So things didn't turn out so bad after all. 


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