Today I heard the Black Eyed Peas on the radio. I couldn't stop laughing and thinking about last Thursday. I probably will see him again since Hope told me him and Apl goes to certain clubs on specific days.
I was trying to think about my unstable life and why I moved here. Truth is, I keep the party going because I can't admit to myself that I am still heartbroken and haven't recovered from all the things that happened last summer. I am unable to trust people or get attached. If I start spending too much time at home I get lonely and start thinking about Savannah and my ex. But I don't want to talk about it to any of my friends. I had to deal with it for two years and they have to bear with me during these times.
It kills me to see him happy with his fiancee. The worst is I took the blame and apologize to his girlfriend trying to make him look good. Because no matter how much I hated him, I also loved him enough that I wanted to see him happy. He cried in front of me the day after graduation, blaming for messing up his friendship with his best friend. Truth is, his best friend betrayed both of us and lied to us. But since our relationship was falling apart already I didn't want him to loose his best friend either. So I didn't say a word. Now both of them are really happy and found someone they love, and I am the one who got fucked over and got left alone. There is no such thing as Karma, just shit happens to everyone honestly no matter how good or bad your behavior is and has been in the past.
So yes, I will keep going out when I can... And I am starting to get so lonely that I think I am gonna bring someone home really soon. I don't care who it is, I just need some distraction to prevent my mind from reminiscing the past. Because being emotional hurts more than anything. So I am gonna do a better job at giving out my number next time instead of snobbing the Hollywood crowd.
anonymousdiary
Diary of a Stranger
anonymousdiary
Diary of a Stranger
Mardi 23 octobre 2012 à 12:48
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